ABSURDISTAN ADULT AREA
Welcome to Absurdistan's most popular place THE ADULT AREA 51
in New Yarka Metelka. Please, leave your clothes in the coatroom
and don't scream. People are working around here.
(sorry, this is not a clickable image)
The picture you are just incredulously watching
is the famous "breast detail", featuring a piece of skin of the exotic dancer
Melissa Warbyd, situated about an inch and a half under the nipple of
her right breast. The photograph shows an area of about 0.0013x0.0007mm
and as such is the most detailed erotic picture in the world. The unusual
smoothness of the skin at such magnification is caused by a wrong choice
of the focusing distance and by equally wrong developing techniques.
Nevertheless, the original of this picture was sold for 250,000 AF and
is still one of the most expensive pictures ever shot in Absurdistan.
And here comes a real treat for erotica
afficionados. This picture presents the greatest number of naked people
ever portreyed on one photograph. Let me point out just a few highlights
of this great epic. Approximately 7mm below the shoreline of northern
Africa you can see the desert expedition of a Cornell anthropologist
Dr. Jessica Turnbull and her two companions Miss Stephanie Wood and
Patricia Walters having a topless afternoon siesta in front of their
tent, located in the southeast tip of Algeria. Also easily seen is the
famous nude beach "Harare" in west Congo, filled with shapely French
and Spanish tourists. Africa is also a continent where native women
don't wear bras, so the total number of naked women on this photograph
is estimated at 34,000,000 while the number of naked men on the same
picture is only about 170,000 which will probably make the photo less
attractive to women than to men. So all you horny guys, get yourselves
a magnifying glass and enjoy!
Do not advertise above these lines.
And now a few words of wisdom from our sponsors
SPANISH DRAGONFLY The revolution in the booming market of
aphrodisiacs. You have never experienced anything like it. One week
of pleasure NON-STOP or your money back. As a matter of fact, when our product
was being tested in Prattville, AL, its users went so wild that they
essentially demolished the whole town. Indeed, the flimsy skeletons of
their houses could not withstand the catastrophic force of their newly
found passion.
Prattville, AL
NUDE FISHING Please visit our nudist colony located on
the east shore of the Fake Lake, just 14 miles south of Kocourkov.
Spend a quiet rainy afternoon without your clothes and with our
top quality fishing equipment (a rod rents for 200 AF/hr.). All fish
you catch is guaranteed to be yours. Binoculars available.
Register today and be eligible to win a sugar free gum.
JOIN THE MASCULINIST ULTRACENTER PARTY NOW! Men, are you tired by
being oppressed by your wife/mother/sister/aunt/grandmother/niece/girlfriend/
daughter/granddaughter/cousin? Are you irritated by women holding
doors for you? Do you have to foil unwelcome sexual advances every day?
Join the masculinist party. We offer a specially trained commando to protect
our members 24 hrs per day
and we are fighting to reinstate certain words back into the
English language, where they belong. For instance "hisesy" instead of now
common "heresy", "hisald" instead of "herald" and "heet" instead of "sheet".
Our team of experts will also teach you how to cook, wash your clothes, iron
them, walk your dogs and vacuum so you that you can be that perfectly
independent person you always wanted to be.
Sponsored by Tea Bags Unlimited.
ATTENTION ANIMAL LOVERS We now proudly present our complete
catalog of color photographs of 218,928 common species (mostly mammals),
all of them without any clothes. This monograph also includes
the famous section of beavers in their natural habitat and even more famous
section of really wet bears.
You won't believe your eyes. Order NOW! Call 1-9-2638 and ask for Poochie.
As a bonus gift, we'll include our "Fresh Air Fun Kit" for no extra charge.
Full frontal nudity
DONT'T LOVE YOUR WIFE ANYMORE? Use our Monster Escort Service and
in two days you will gladly return to your beautiful wife. Our female
monsters were handpicked by the French swimwear designer Jean Claude Marceau
and their manners were spoiled by the Swiss psychiatrist Carl Zwicker.
If you can spend three nights in a row with our monsters your money will
be fully refunded to you and your wife will be offered a job in our company.
VIBRATORS FOUND Three vibrators were found running west accross our
corn field yesterday evening. We managed to catch them and lock them in in our
barn. We'd like to ask the owner to send a self-addressed stamped box
to Croton family, Overbrook International Cornfield, Weird County, Absurdistan.
They seem to be in a stable condition even though 2 of them must be having
some kind of fever since they keep shaking and shivering from cold.
ABSOLUTELY SAFE SEX! Are you afraid of venereal diseases? Are you
uncertain of the sexual past of your partner? Why take chances? Protect
yourself!
Do not trust condoms anymore! They are not as
safe as their manufacturers like to tell us. After all, they cover such a small
part of the body. Only 2.82% of its total surface area! Use our cover-all
condom made out of impenetrable glass fibre materials. This last model that
you see on the photograph weighs only 4.5 pounds and sells for 4500 AF during
this limited time offer. So don't hesitate. Safe sex is our motto.
You owe it to yourself and to your lover as well. You have other things
to worry about.
Absolute Condom
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